Evergreen Consortium
The Evergreen Consortium’s “Grand Finale” Human Slingshot, currently under construction.
Take the ride of your life!
Construction is nearly complete on the “Grand Finale” Human Slingshot from The Evergreen Consortium of Little Rock, Arkansas.
Make your final minutes on earth filled with adrenaline and excitement as your body hurls through the atmosphere, painlessly incinerating before re-entry.
Don’t continue to be a burden to your family and those around you! Help us to preserve valuable resources for your neighbors in the Entitled Sectors, and give someone else a turn!
Apply now to take advantage of our trial excursions, currently underway! This unique opportunity will be popular, so book your trip now!*
*Mandatory sobriety check required before departure.
This month’s winners!
“Go solo, or with a special friend!
Always together, until the end!”
“Can’t cope with this right now”
My wife surprised me with two tickets to the Human Slingshot for my birthday last week. She's been having a tough time recently, and I try to be supportive, but I really don't want to go. She's already emptied out all of our accounts. The tickets are for next week. I don't know what to do. What the hell is the Evergreen Consortium anyway?
“See ya”
Cheaper than my meds!
“Outta here!”
The "Grand Finale" slingshot was the last item on my bucket list. I've been bustin' loose all year since I found out that my cancer is incurable. They said I only had 6-8 months to live, and it's been 10 months so far! Screw you, Doc! I've been to Graceland, the Genesis Creation Museum, Gatorland, and just got back from Disney World! I put all of the trips on my credit card! Come and get me Citibank! My Slingshot trip is on Wednesday, so you suits better hurry! Peace, out, Bitches!
“Blast Off!”
At first my wife and I couldn't decide whether we should flame out on the Human Slingshot, or go out in style at the Raison d'Etre they just installed at the beach. We finally decided on the Human Slingshot since we could both go together instead of one at a time. I know that there's an alcohol sobriety check beforehand, so I'm gonna load up on some edibles an hour before our departure time.