“Everything you’ll need to get in power, and stay in power.”
StateCraft Staffing & Hardware Supply
For security reasons, StateCraft Staffing and Hardware does not have a physical location per se. Operations and communications are conducted via satellites and a global neural net of airborne digital relays, (above).
“Because nothing is more embarrassing on the world stage than a failed coup.”
D.I.Y. Coup Services
Say Anything Lawyers
Deny, Deflect, Delay, Appeal. Repeat.
Boots on the Ground
Guaranteed deployment of armed and well-trained regimens, anywhere in the world in 48 hours.
Kompromat Services
Leverage is the name of the game. We set ’em up, you knock ’em down.
Hackers
Good for gathering intel, propaganda, social media misinformation campaigns, disabling power grids, and blackmail.
AI-Assisted Virtual News Media Network
Our virtual newscasters will read your uploaded decrees and prepared statements on air, within seconds of your online submission.
Department of Justice Flunkies
Own the DOJ and the law is what you say it is. Stack the deck in your favor.
Federal Judges
Ensure the courts have got your back. Sold by the dozen.
Faceless Insurgents
Cannon fodder to raise your enemy’s body count on the battlefield. Use them to fill mass graves, or just leave them strewn about for maximum effect. Good for swaying public opinion and crushing the spirit of your adversaries. Available in herds of 100.
Even More Lawyers
Good for changing venues, pushing trial dates, appealing every ruling, declaring privilege, and challenging subpoenas.
Useful idiots
Good for fighting the front line battles of the cultural wars. Use them to make noise on a local level by banning books, harassing trans folks, and spreading panic about furries and litter boxes in public schools.
Political Appointees
Cabinet members and aides. Assign them to posts in the government agencies you want to dismantle. Throw them under the bus when necessary. Cannon fodder in a suit.
Evangelical Charlatans
Declare your side to be on the righteous path, and demonize your opposition before they beat you to it. With God on your side you’ll be nearly invincible.
Media Titan
When you need to influence public opinion around the world, nothing compares to having a monopoly on the media. Cooperative partnerships in newspapers, TV stations, and radio can all be yours.
Social Media Platform
Amplify your message with a satellite-enabled social media network and self-replicating bots, ready to launch.
Clandestine Political Operatives
Behind the scenes espionage requires a light touch leaving no fingerprints. We’ve got the best in the business.
Off-The-Grid Militias
The lethal power of a small military, but without the legal oversight that can bog down a good operation.
Let’s face it: Planning your first coup d’etat is a big deal.
There are lots of moving parts, and you need to get it right.
At StateCraft Staffing and Hardware Supply, we remove all of the guesswork during your coup planning to ensure your success on the big day.
We’ve assisted in dozens of regime changes around the globe, and stand ready to help those who help themselves. We’ll also teach you our proven methods of deflection, projection, and the art of alternative facts.
Order today and choose one of these free gifts!
“Ole Faithful”
Cat O’ Nine Tails
Strongman Wig
Thumb Cuffs
The mustache
that started it all!
Spiffy Hat
“Who deserves it more than I do?”
My people worked long hours, skipped breaks, and peed into bottles to put me here. Some of them died for the cause, but it was worth it."
“I speak the actual truth”
My ascension reflects the natural order of global events as determined by my heritage, intelligence, and mad dancing skills. Not too shabby for a white guy with a dad bod.
“I’m like… so excited to run my own country!”
Thanks Mom & Dad, it's what I always wanted! I'll be tough but fair to my loyal plebes, and they will worship me like a Goddess!
“Now I’m untouchable”
Everything I needed to pull it off. Costs more than other services, but worth it.